Cannot Put a Band - Aid on This One.....

Only a few of you were present when I came back to my ol' college stomping grounds and gave my (brief) testimony. It was hard to encompass all that has transpired since I began embarking hard core on my journey with Christ.

The premise of this testimony surrounded the immense struggle I have had living with generalized anxiety disorder and depression since the age of eight. It has not only effected how I relate to my peers but also how I approach my relationship with God.

I have expressed a lot of resentment, bitterness and anger towards Him during my quiet times. It is hard to comprehend how these illnesses coincide with any plan that the He has for me. I mean, how is He going to use someone like me who is so screwed up emotionally to share His love with others when I cannot even love myself??

I truly desire to be rid of the mess that has become my life. I have isolated myself from everything that I truly am passionate for : people and writing. These two entities have really been the only things that have made sense to me.

Both are freedoms of expression. People are able to choose how to live life and engage it while writing has endless possibilities when it comes to developing a story and then choosing how to tell it.

I am hoping that eventually the script that God has created for me will resonate with my heart, freeing it of all the dirt and filth that has prevented it from truly beating.